5 Do's & Don't For Wedding Speeches

by Jasmine Dayton

Recently a bridesmaid speech has been making its rounds on the internet and going viral for good reason. This is not the first time that this has happened. Since the internet's beginning we have seen fail after fail  of wedding speeches. What exactly do they get wrong? And how can you avoid being one of these people when you are asked to give a speech at a wedding?

I have owned a wedding videography company for over 2 years so I have seen a good amount of wedding speeches. Both good and bad. I'm going to give you my personal list of 5 do’s and don'ts that you may want to look out for when giving a speech along with some fun online examples.

DON’T WING IT

Many people who are asked to give a speech come unprepared, which is what leads to most people fumbling their words, not knowing what to say, or worse saying something totally out of pocket.

DO WRITE IT DOWN

Even if you have plans to memorize it.

I think that the best case scenario if you want to be uber prepared is writing it down whether on bullet points or in its entirety. Then getting to a point where you have practiced enough that you can memorize it. Of course that is above and beyond, and most likely the newly weds won’t be offended by you reading a lovely speech off of a paper or your phone.

DON’T USE MEAN SPIRITED OR CRUEL JOKES

We all know someone who takes a joke too far. And if you are that person, now is not the time to let that part of you show. Being asked to give a speech at a wedding is an honor and a privilege and it's important that you treat it as such. This is the couples special day, don’t be the reason that it becomes stressful by making fun of them. 

DO ADD HUMOR AND OR HEART FELT ELEMENTS

If you thought that I was going to tell you to avoid humor completely you’d be dead wrong. The best wedding speeches are funny. And there are plenty of ways to make a speech funny without the newlyweds being a cruel punchline. My favorite wedding speeches have had an even dose of heartfelt stories about the newly wed you’re here for and funny elements to the speech.

DON’T SHARE EMBARASSING STORIES

Now I do have a caveat to this. People are different, some people think that embarrassing stories about them are really funny. And others are completely mortified and would not want a personal moment that they felt bad about to be broadcast to potentially extended members of their family that they don’t see very often. If you must share an embarrassing story please check in with the new wed that you are there for. Verbally or in writing, get the ok to share this story.

DO THINK OF A STORY THAT SHOWS THEIR CHARACTER

This is your friend's special day. You want to highlight their best qualities of who they are as a person. Obviously don’t lie or make things up but think about why you’re friends with them and what makes them more special to you. And tell them that as a part of your speech.

DON’T TALK POORLY ABOUT THE SPOUSE

It is shocking how much this happens, where there is a cruel joke made specifically about the person the friend is marrying. Huge no no. This will sour the day and potentially sour the relationship for you and your friend in the future. Even if you do not like their spouse, now is not the time to tell the world that. 

DO SAY POSITIVE THINGS ABOUT THE SPOUSE

Even if you don’t know them super well, you should at the very least make a mention of them in your speech. All you can say is that you’re very happy for them and look forward to getting to know them more. While avoiding talking about the spouse isn’t necessarily wrong it could unintentionally send a message that you do not care about their marriage. 

DO NOT GET DRUNK BEFORE THE SPEECH

It will not calm your nerves. It is not worth the risk. This is the number one mistake I see people make before a speech. They feel nervous and want to take the edge off and often drink too much to the point that they are already feeling tipsy before making their speech. At that point you won’t be able to keep your thoughts straight and you may say things that you don’t mean. Wait until the toast to drink, not a little before.

DO BE IN THE MOMENT WITH THEM

Giving a speech is a big deal. It’s nerve wracking. And it can cause a lot of emotion for both the speech giver and the newly weds. Being prepared with the past DO tips I gave you should help but you may still have heightened emotions. And that is ok. It is ok to feel those emotions. You should be feeling strongly at a wedding for a person you love and care about. Be in that moment with them. And remember its ok to cry. I’ve been to so many weddings as a wedding videographer and cried about how touching the moments are. And most of the time I don’t know the people personally. That's how special it can be.

As a recap remember DON'T

1. Wing it

2. Use mean spirited jokes

3. Share embarrassing stories without consent

4. Talk poorly about the spouse

5. Or get drunk right before

Instead DO

1. Write and prepare your speech

2. Keep the humor light and wholesome and the stories heart felt

3. Add in stories about their character

4. Talk highly about the spouse

5. Be in the moment with them

Best of luck on your speech! You’re going to nail it.